I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
