I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
