i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
