kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
