So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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