I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
