idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
