there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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