im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
