wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
