And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the liver wants what the liver wants
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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