Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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