im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
