Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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