Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
