i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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