Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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