yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My dick has a subreddit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
