i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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