can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
