I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
