You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
