Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
