whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
