Buhtt sex?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
