Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
