That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize