Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
