i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
