So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
