I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
