thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
