I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
