i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
