I cut my penus on the lid.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
