it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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