We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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