is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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