my phone needs a breathalizer
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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