i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
