If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
