Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
