So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
