I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
