Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
