Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
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New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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