Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My ass is underappreciated
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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