ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
is wine microwaveable?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
