Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
