My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
