just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
