you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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