he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
