The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
