he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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