It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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