Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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