508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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