We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
