And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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