Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
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