She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
