Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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