weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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