mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
