I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
