The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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