im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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