Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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