Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
