Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
